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astepabovezero
that's how I feel right now.  been using the computer WAY too much again.  when will I ever get my hw done? plus my mom wants to watch julie and julia with me, and she's already thinking about dinner so I look at the clock and it's about 3ish in the afternoon.  DINNER?!

i don't know, but after having spent about two hours updating my journal layout, i need to wake up and have a reality check.
laterz one and everyone!
*cl*
 
 
Current Mood: guiltyguilty
Current Music: sick puppies "white ballons" stuck in head
 
 
astepabovezero
25 March 2010 @ 03:54 pm
know what i'm sayin'?
whatev.
I make a huge statement and then it goes nowhere.

so.

i'm tired as all hell, tried calling my guy friend because i 'have to,' hung out w/bf Jason (AWESUMM) this morning, he left, I have a huge mess from lunch to clean up.  know what I've noticed lately?  I HATE CLEANING UP THE KITCHEN COUNTER.  I don't understand how it can be totally therapeutic to some people, but then I feel them pretty well.  We all grow on stuff that works for us, if what I just said makes sense.  I'm kinda sorta listening to this album I, like, NEVER listen to at all but it makes me think of Jason because he absolutely ADORES Incubus, and Morning View's his total fave album...in fact he said he'd easily get another copy just because it's that valuable to him that he'd want to have a replacement should something happen to the other one, or at least so he could have one just incase something temporary had to take the album out of his possession.   aaaanywayz...let's see. to-do list.  IF i actually have any energy to make one up.

1. clean up living room
2. CLEAN UP KITCHEN
3. try doing math hw again
4. graphic design work
5. read a bit/watch movie
oooor take a walk...iiiif it does NOT rain.

you know, maybe there's some sense about me having titled my journal entry what it was.  hm.  prob because there was one night I had the WORST time falling asleep cuz I wondered if there was going to be an earthquake any second (I was going through some stress that night, I think), but then i did fall asleep 'til a rude awakening--yeah, that's what I call it when I wake up in the morning and feel this rotten attitude coming along knowing I shouldn't've slept so little.   I mean, it's not always a rude awakening.  but i'm off the subject again. i think.  i think we just have to live our lives and stop worrying about perfection and stressing out and our futures and, of course, death (although that's something unto itself).  wait why did I put that part in parentheses?  AAAGH oh well. 

you read my journal entry probably if you do do that and you turned up on this from FB or some such thing.  and please, get somebody to comment if they feel they have any input....half kidding.  i guess?

 
 
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: incubus "just a phase" (stuck in head)
 
 
astepabovezero
hey diary.  CAN YOU HELP ME???!  I'M IN DANGER!  haha half kidding.  but seriously, it seems anytime i have spare time at home I come up with a song I wrote and as soon as I can type it up I get on garage band and find some way of recording it--usually just the piano melody, but sometimes I can combine my voice with it, if i have time.  it's such a WASTE though when i realize there is LITTLE time left to do important stuff.  It's getting to the point where I wish I could write in sharpie ink all over my MIDI keyboard "WHAT ARE MY F*ING PRIORITIES?" aiiiigh, when will i get my crapola together?  I mean for real, I'll get home at 12 after a class with oodles of spare time and waste hours working on getting a song recorded.  I can't step away and look at what an idiot i am!  hm...someday.  I just wish I could set the timer and when the time goes off I actually decide to stop and not keep going, like i did today.  well anyway, i wanna get off this damn computer now, but later when a SOLUTION TO MY MUSIC MAKING ADDICTIONS comes to mind and not the actual music i want to record, I am jumping on the former ASAP.  count on me y'allz, i'm on the quest for justice in responsibility!  May it reign supreme!

lol, over n out
chyyyels
 
 
Current Location: hyomeee
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: IDM--don't know what that stands for? WIKI IT
 
 
astepabovezero
(since this didn't make it to facebook, heh, here it is)

so i called my mom up today about me thinking i could try studying music video directing once i'm outta Laney.  she's like, "no way, you must be hypomanic."  alright fine, she is crazy.  yes, I know, I'm bipolar, I can only handle so much in life and that gives me limits as to how much i can dream big...eh?  Pardon me, sorry, I suppose she's right.  I look back at it, step away from it, and suppose she has a point.  dammit.  well, one against one can be like three against two, sometimes, in life.  can't always get what you want, you just get what the hell you need.

i am tellin ya though, once the moratorium is over and we go shopping next month, I AM GETTING A PAIR OF F*ING TRUE RELIGION BRAND JEANS!!!! and nooooooobody's stopping me.

haha jk.  maaaaaybe

laterz y'all
chels
 
 
astepabovezero
so i called my mom up today about me thinking i could try studying music video directing once i'm outta Laney.  she's like, "no way, you must be hypomanic."  alright fine, she is crazy.  yes, I know, I'm bipolar, I can only handle so much in life and that gives me limits as to how much i can dream big...eh?  Pardon me, sorry, I suppose she's right.  I look back at it, step away from it, and suppose she has a point.  dammit.  well, one against one can be like three against two, sometimes, in life.  can't always get what you want, you just get what the hell you need.

i am tellin ya though, once the moratorium is over and we go shopping next month, I AM GETTING A PAIR OF F*ING TRUE RELIGION BRAND JEANS!!!! and nooooooobody's stopping me.

haha jk.  maaaaaybe

laterz y'all
chels
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: nothing...that i can remember if i were playing in my head. ?!
 
 
 
astepabovezero
07 March 2010 @ 07:44 am
Riding past a lonely home
Piano gazing out from the mirror
Birds of paradise out in the front
Sale pending
Raining outside
Your bicycle tire needs more air.
It seems we all have a happy home
But even when we don't take it for granted
That doesn't mean everything in the world.
When you don't have too many friends
When your dad left you, without talking to you ever again
It's not your fault
Just like animals who humble themselves and don't fear death
Don't curl into a ball
You could choose to throw away the world you hold in your hand
Or you could have it all
Either way, don't feel so afraid
It seems we all have a happy home
We could choose to catapult our joy away
Or we could open up a new dimension of happiness no person in the norm had ever thought of before.
Don't feel so afraid.


 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: the birthday massacre...playing unfortunately in my head :(